For those of you who don’t spend most of your free time talking about writing, or reading about writing (and sometimes even actually writing), a pantser is someone who flies, or writes, by the seat of their pants.
I remember in high school needing to submit an essay plan along with my essays because our teacher wanted us to be following certain steps. We’d have to write an outline of our essay before we were meant to write the actual essay. I tried this once before I just wrote the essays and then made outlines that fit the finished piece. Needless to say, I was a real treat for my teachers.
Now as a full grown, not entirely matured, writer I can’t say much has changed. I try to create plot outlines that are more than just a smattering of notes and vague vibes; I’ve written story beats and scene breakdowns and character arcs and outlines big and small. I’ve even tried to follow most of them, to varying levels of success.
But every time, I get maybe halfway into my draft before I look up and realise where I am in the story and where I had planned to be are two very different things. Because when I’m writing a first draft, I’m not just telling the story, I’m discovering it.
When I start a new project, I have an idea of my characters and where I’ll take them. I may have a few really clear moments in my head, or just a vague sense of ‘here’ and ‘this’, but there is always so much left unknown as well. It’s not until I’m putting words down that I’ll know exactly who these characters are. In the beginning, I could be convinced my antagonist is motivated by greed, but at the midpoint I’ll realise they were really only trying to save their own family. Often as I’m writing that first draft, I’m making huge sweeping structural changes to the story I thought I was writing. Because really, until I have that first draft finished, I’m still not sure of the story.
I’m not so quietly in awe of anyone who has their story figured out before they start writing it. I know even the strictest plotters will still adapt and tweak and fix as they go, but I can’t imagine knowing how things are going to get from A to B to C before you start writing. I barely know where my A, B and C are when I start. Sometimes I wonder if being able to plot effectively would save me time and words, because I wouldn’t be writing half a novel before realising my protagonist was never going to do that one thing anyway. I just know that’s not how my brain works, or how my words work and I’m going to have to accept that.
I’m still learning to not be paralysed by that horrible realisation that where I started and where I’ve ended up are too different to belong in the same narrative. It’s hard to find the motivation to finish a draft already knowing that most of what you’ve written will need to change drastically, but following an outline seems beyond me.
I guess I just have to keep reminding myself that there’s no such thing as wasted words, that every line is improving my craft, even if it is destined for deletion.
Bronwen Write 